1.他们使用好的肢体语言
1. They use good body language
要有直接的眼神接触，身体正面和肩膀要面向对方，把全部注意力放在对方身上，让对方知道你聊天很投入。
Make direct eye contact and put your torso and shoulders in his direction. Give him your undivided attention and focus to show that you’re invested in the dialogue.
2.他们注意非言语的暗示
2. They watch for nonverbal cues
你要注意说话人的表情和肢体语言，非言语的暗示和语言一样重要。
Pay attention to the speaker’s expressions and body language. Nonverbal clues are just as important as verbal ones.
3.他们不会打断别人
3. They don’t interrupt
让对方自由表达想法，说完他要说的，如果你真有什么重要的话需要说或者需要说明某件事，你就记下来，等对方停顿时询问。
Let your partner say what’s on his mind freely and finish his own sentences. If you really have something important to say or need some clarification on something, jot it down to ask the person when he pauses.
4.他们不会冲动地给出解决方法
4. They resist the urge to offer solutions
做一个积极的倾听者意味着你要让朋友通过健康的方式释放情绪，而不是努力去解决问题。如果他们想要听听你的想法，他会直接说的。
Being an active listener means you’re allowing your friend to get out his emotions in a healthy way, without trying to fix the problem. If he wants to hear your opinions, he’ll ask for them.
5.他们确保问的问题不会跑题
5. They ensure that questions don’t steer the conversation off topic
你意识到聊天跑题的时候，再转回到最初的话题上。
When you realize that a conversation has gone off-topic, steer it back to the original one.
6.他们做记录
6. They take notes
你工作的时候记下一些关键信息可能能帮你记住你们对话中讨论了什么。即使你不再看记录，记录的行为也能帮你更好地记忆信息。
If you’re at work, jotting down some key information may help you remember what you discussed in a conversation. Even if you don’t look at the notes again, the act of writing them down can help you remember the information better.
7.他们表达同情
7. They show empathy
表现出你理解对方的感受你就能成为一个有效的倾听者，但这并不意味着你需要同意对方所有观点，你可以说“我明白了”这样的话、微笑或点头来表明你在听而且没有偏袒任何一方。
By showing that you’re feeling what the speaker is feeling, you’re being an effective listener. This doesn’t mean, though, that you have to agree with everything he says. You can say something like “I see”, smile or nod to show you’re listening without taking sides.
8.他们很开明
8. They’re open-minded
你要听对方说的每句话，不要在心里做出什么评价，把自己的想法和信仰放一边，你就能听到对方说的话了。
Take in everything he’s saying. Turn off your inner voice and put aside your opinions and beliefs so you can hear what’s being spoken to you.
9.他们说话之前会思考
9. They think before they speak
对方说完话之后，需要给出回应时你需要几秒钟时间想想怎么回答。你要想想是否能给出有价值的信息，或者是否该只是继续问问题。
After the speaker is done, take a few seconds to come up with a response, if any. Consider if you can offer input that’s valuable or if you should just ask follow-up questions.